Monthly Archives: November 2014

Let’s Eat!

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With Thanksgiving fast approaching, as well as all of the other wonderful celebratory meals that tend to come with this time of year, I thought it best to go over some basic dining etiquette.  Like many things, this does not seem to be related to Masonry on the surface, but the more you think about it, the more you realize you need these skills to survive in Freemasonry. From Lodge dinners to Grand Lodge Banquets, everyone needs to have a general idea of the basics. No one is asking you to be Emily Post, but it is important that you do try.

Let’s be honest. Masonry, in many ways, tends to be stuck in the early to mid 1900’s. As I’ve said before, this does not need to be a bad thing. It does mean, however, that often we find ourselves doing things that most everyday people do not do- wearing tuxes and attending formal dinners, for instance. This can be confusing, and overwhelming at first, especially for those of us who have never experienced something like this before. If you need help with your tux, check this out. If you are not so sure which fork is for your salad, keep reading.

Reading the Table

 Most meals at most Masonic functions will be informal. Don’t let the name fool you though, this doesn’t mean jeans an a t-shirt. Informal is the style of dining, usually for a 3-4 course meal. A meal of this style usually includes soup or hors d’oeuvres, salad, entrée, and dessert. The tablewear setup usually looks something like this:

It isn’t really too different from home except for the extra silverware. You want to go outside in with your silverware, so the most outside fork is used for the first course, the inner for the next, etc. Usually at most Masonic meals, they do not serve alcohol with the meal, but instead at the cocktail hour before. You may bring your drink in with you if you are not quite done. The wine glass is typically used instead for iced tea.

A little bit more complex, this is the formal table setting:

Again, you want to work outside in, and after your entree, you move to the utensils above your plate. You may see a table setting similar to this at say, the formal meal at your Grand Lodge.

You may also see some combination of the two settings. As someone involved with Masonry, there will come a time where you find yourself at a formal meal. It is important to take the time now to familiarize yourself with the settings now, so that panic does not set in when you get there. I’m not saying memorize the entire thing, but it would be a good idea to have a general idea of what is where.

Basic Table Manners

Remember what mom used to tell you at the dinner table as far as manners are concerned? The same applies here. Hate to get a little old school on you, but really, proper manners at dinner can get you far- who knows when you will be sitting with the Grand Master of your state, or the national secretary for Scottish Rite? You want to be able to impress, or at least, not disgust the person across the table from you. Much like the Kindergarten Creed, you already know most of this stuff.

  • Chew with your mouth closed. From Emily Post to Pintrest, this is absolutely top of everyone’s list. Please follow through. No one wants to see that.
  • Bring your food to your face, and not the other way around. Even if you did grow up with seven brothers, a nice dinner is not the time to be leaning over your plate, shoveling food into your face.
  • Silence and put away your cell phone. I’m guilty of it too. Not browsing the internet while eating can be boring, but the idea of a formal dinner is for you to meet and converse with those around you, so remove all distractions.
  • Say ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ often. Even if you don’t think you need to. Mom wasn’t kidding when she said these words were magic.
  • Remember your napkin. Seriously, I am always suprised at the number of grown men that forget this magical bit of fabric exists. It keeps your clothes from getting dirty, as well as your face.

If you are a young or new Mason, these are very simple ideals to follow. You would be amazed at how easily proper table manners can help garner respect and foundation, one of the often untalked about pillars of a sucessful Mason.

Want to learn more?

There’s a ton of dining guidelines, from how to signal that you’re finished, to when to take a drink of water. Even George Washington had a list of general etiquette. Youtube is a wonderful resource for much of this. However, nothing is as good as the queen of etiquette herself:

I’m Masonic Youth, and You Can Too!

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Life is hectic. Between work, Lodge, Masonic dinners, and other activities, T and I are forced to schedule time together- and we don’t even have kids yet! A major component of our activities revolves around supporting the Masonic youth organization DeMolay; as I have said before, T and I are both adult advisors. We had our first advisory panel meeting since I joined recently, and even though I was exhausted from work, I came to realize just how much goes into running these groups, and more than that, how often they can be overlooked by the rest of the Masonic family.

What is Masonic Youth?

I go into greater detail on each organization here, but this is the quick recap. There are three Masonic youth organizations, DeMolay for boys, Job’s Daughters for girls with Masonic relations, and Rainbow for Girls, who accepts members with and without a Masonic relationship. The ages for each group varies, but they all age out at 21; old enough to be a member of a Lodge or Chapter for 3 years, which allows them to theoretically transition from one group to the next.

The groups do a lot of different things together, but most activities fall into one of a few categories: regular business meetings, initiation/ritual practice, fun nights, service activities, and fundraising. Each group is set up so that the youth are the ones in charge; they run the meetings, vote on activities, give the obligation to new members, etc. In addition to this, each group has one or two state wide conferences each year, which usually includes ritual competition as well as group activities between Chapters. Some states may have mixed conferences every so often, such as MYLC.

In short, Masonic Youth groups provide excellent opportunities for kids that might not receive them otherwise. The minimal cost (I pay $20 a year for my dues), intermingling of groups (i.e. DeMolay sweetheart, dances), lack of religious affiliation, and Masonic connection and values makes them more appealing for many families over other youth groups, such as the Boy Scouts of America.

What are some issues these groups are facing?

Like all of the Masonic organizations, the biggest issue the youth groups are facing is membership numbers. Following in the footsteps of Blue Lodge, none of the organizations openly advertise, and instead rely solely on word of mouth. As many members of Masonic organizations know, membership numbers have been dwindling in the last decade. It can be very hard to interest people, especially teenagers, to come out and do extra “work” (you would be amazed at the difference of guys that come to fun nights vs nights we volunteer to wash dishes), in addition to school, and for some, jobs. The membership issue, in turn, leads to a lack of public interest and knowledge, and the cycle is fueled again.

While I cannot speak for all chapters of these organizations, I can tell you a bit about what is going on in my own. One cannot say that there is a lack of leadership within our Chapter, in fact, we have a few guys that make excellent and natural leaders, that help the Chapter flow the way that it should. These guys volunteer first, are always there on service days, and encourage others to do the same. The issue is it tends to be the same handful of guys that are in this position. Ideally, everyone should be taking turns filling the leadership roles. This I feel, however, is more due to the nature of the beast that is teenagers. Often, youth feel insecure in themselves, are wary about what their peers think of them, and therefore would rather follow than lead.

Another issue that most, if not all, of the Masonic youth organizations face, is that of money. Each Chapter, Bethel or Assembly must be sponsored by an adult Masonic body. Our DeMolay Chapter is sponsored by our local Shrine, for instance. Usually this simply means that the Lodge, Shrine, or Chapter allows the youth to use their facilities for their meetings. We are lucky enough at our Chapter that our sponsor also allows us to be active in supporting events that they put on, mostly through service. Sponsorship does not, however, usually entail much funding, if any. The majority of the funds required by a Masonic youth organization, come from the public, either fund-raising done by the youth, or from the adult advisors.

What are they doing to remedy these issues?

As I said above, Masonic youth organizations are not really advertised the way that other youth groups are. Often, the only way someone even knows they exist is if their child is a member. At one time, DeMolay used to be a household name (I suppose the same could be said for Masonry), but all you will get is funny looks if you ask around. To my knowledge, no real changes have been made on this front (at least for DeMolay). Unlike Freemasonry, Masonic Youth organizations do have an International Council. Statewide, the youth are encouraged to bring in new members, but that is more or less where that ends. Although all of the groups have moved onto social media, this tends to serve more for communication between members more than anything else. Personally, I am not so sure what I would do to bring in more members, but I do know that something needs to be done if these organizations want to continue in the States. Oddly enough, Brazil and Australia have a booming Masonic youth population. Let’s hope that the US takes a page from our Masonic families overseas.

How a group handles the issue of youth leadership really depends on the needs of the specific Chapter, Bethel, or Assembly. Masonic youth groups encourage youth leadership because they are all lead by the youth, instead of by an adult leader, like Boy/Girl Scouts of America. Just like Blue Lodge and other branches of Masonry, these offices exist on a state level, and unlike Masonry, exist on an international level as well. As far as encouraging the youth to take up these positions is concerned, our Chapter is trying a few different methods. We’ve gotten a bit lax over the years with dress, and we want to encourage our members to dress in business casual, instead of shorts and a t-shirt. Many of them will be joining Blue Lodge soon, and this helps ease that transition, and also helps create feeling of specialness when the Chapter is open.

As far as the issue of money is concerned, there always seems to be only one answer: fund-raising. Our Chapter sells baked goods, and I am sure that Job’s and Rainbow does something similar. Of course, all of the members do pay dues, however the dues cost is low enough that it does not put a lot into our coffers. We rely a good deal on donations from the public, both Masons and not. Many of our activities are paid by the guys themselves, for instance if we go out for ice cream, our comes out of the advisors pockets, like gas money when we go to state events.

What can I do to help?

As always, the number one answer is get involved. I cannot tell you what an awesome time I have had in just the few months that I have been an advisor. If you have the time, and meet the requirements I highly recommend it. You can find your local group through Google, or click the name of the organization, which will take you to the main page. By the way, here are the requirements to become a Masonic youth advisor:

DeMolay
*Any adult 21 and older
*No Masonic affiliation is required

Job’s Daughters
*At least 20 years of age and:
Master Mason
Majority Job’s Daughter
Person of Masonic heritage
Parent, grandparent, stepparent, or guardian of an active or majority member of the bethel

Rainbow for Girls
*At least 24 years old and :
Master Mason
Majority Rainbow Girl
Member of Eastern Star, White Shrine, or Amaranth
Parent, grandparent, or guardian of an active or majority Rainbow Girl

If circumstances do not allow you to become an advisor, there are many other ways to get involved. Encourage your children to become members. If you do not have kids of your own, recommend the organization to friends who are looking for activities for theirs. Suggest to your WM that your Lodge support a Masonic youth group that may be looking for a new home. Contact the head of the group in your area, and see if you can sit in on a meeting, to see what it is all about. Attend public events put on by the groups, and encourage others to do the same. Welcome and greet a Masonic youth just as you would any other Mason or affiliated member, encourage them to also attend your events. This will also help your Lodge or Chapter’s membership when the time comes. If nothing else, donate. Time, money, your backyard pool; it may not seem like much to you, but it can make a world of difference to them.

The Masonic Wife

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This week, I wanted to discuss something that both comes up fairly often on this blog, and is relevant in my own life right now: Masonry, marriage, and divorce. Most often, when folks search out information about this topic, they come across one of two websites; the Phoenix Masonry Masonic ritual, and the ever popular “Masonry- A Marriage Wrecking Ball” website. Unfortunately, neither of these websites are affiliated with regular masculine Masonry, and so everything on them must be taken with a grain of salt. Many of the questions couples have about the topic are scattered across the internet, I would like to bring them all together.
Who is a Masonic wife? How is it different from a Mason’s Lady?
As I have said before, Freemasonry was created officially in 1717, with the formation of UGLE. Although the world has changed since then, Masonry has not always changed with it. Most women during it’s inception were married before they were 21, obviously this is no longer the case. However, within Masonry, most invitations and benefits continue to be extended to a Mason’s wife, not his long time live in girlfriend. For instance, unless you are legally married, a woman who has no other Masonic relationships cannot join the Order of the Eastern Star. If you think that’s kind of dated, welcome to Masonry.
A Masonic wife, and a Mason’s Lady are often used interchangeably. However, I do not feel that this is truly the case. A Masonic wife is simply the wife of a Mason. That’s it. Being married to a Mason does not obligate her to anything, Lodge dinners, appendant bodies, in fact, she may not even like the fact that he is a Mason (more on that later). A Mason’s Lady, however, I feel is quite different. A Mason’s Lady can be any woman who supports a Mason, and Freemasonry. This can be his wife, his girlfriend, his mom, grandmother, neighbor, etc. A Mason’s Lady may chose to show her support by joining appendant bodies, attending Lodge dinners and other events, or any other way she can think of. You can be a Mason’s Lady without being a Masonic wife, and vice versa.

What are the benefits of being a Masonic wife?

Becoming a Mason’s wife opens you up to a world of possibilities. Being married to a Master Mason grants you the ability to join any of the Masonic bodies that allow women: Order of the Eastern Star, Daughters of the Nile, Order of the Amaranth, and more. Usually this is the only requirement for the groups that allow women. For example, your husband does not need to be a Shiner in order for you to join Daughters of the Nile, although you may get more out of it. You can learn more about these organizations here.

if you choose to support your Mason by being active in Lodge activities, you will never find a lack of something to do. We live in a moderately sized Midwestern city, and there is a Masonic function going on almost every night of the week. There also many travel opportunities, especially within the Shrine. I know that our potentate is organizing an Alaskan cruise this year, and the Grand Master is hosting a Florida getaway.

One of my favorite parts of my SO being a Mason, is that I have an excuse to get all dressed up and mingle, fairly often. If you and your Mason plan on being fairly active socially, I would recommend investing in some nice dress clothes. One or two suits and a tux should be just fine for him. I know we ladies do not get off that easily; but, if you enjoy shopping, think of it as a bonus. If you enjoy being social and meeting new people. Masonic functions are perfect for just that. If you are more introverted (like myself), Masonic functions can serve as a test ground for the “real world”. I’ve become more relaxed with meeting new people and improving new social skills since being more involved with Masonry.

What are the disadvantages to being a Masonic wife?

I will be the first to admit, it is not all sunshine and rainbows all the time. T is Master of his Lodge this year, and this is added stress for both of us, making sure there is a candidate, food, organizing meetings, it can be a lot of work. In addition to this, sometimes the jealousy monster rears its ugly head. It can be hard to give up your SO for 2+ (at our house, more like 6 with bar time) hours to people you may not know on a weeknight. I’ve found that the best cure is for Lodge night to become the nights that I pamper myself. As I’ve said before, I usually treat myself to a nicer dinner and watch a horror movie (which T hates). I do my best to make it my “me” time.

If you choose to get involved with Masonry, you may have to limit yourself and your Mason how involved you really are. Remember when I said there are activities every night? That can have it’s downsides. We usually go to 3 activities a week (DeMolay, Lodge + one other), and even that feels like it can be a lot. As a Masonic wife you need to be able to say no, even if that game feed put on by the Dave Crockett Club does sound super awesome.

What about this marriage ritual? Are there Masonic wedding rings?

You may have seen pictures of a Masonic wedding floating around on the internet. Actually, you can find the entire ritual here. While it is a very interesting read, this wedding (if I recall correctly) was preformed in Puerto Rico. This ritual is only sanctioned by the Grand Lodge of Turkey, so unless you have a Turkish Lodge in your area, you are probably out of luck if  you wanted to use this ritual for your wedding. From what I have found, no other couple have been married in this fashion.

One question that many Masons ask is if there is such thing as a Masonic wedding ring. There isn’t really. You may, however, use any Masonic ring that you hold the degree for as a wedding ring. This practice is not common, and is really not recommended. The reasoning is that if you were to become divorced, you may still associate Masonry with those feelings toward your ex, which may lead you to be less active or leave the craft.

To be a bit PG-13 for a moment, if I may, there are a number of websites out there that discuss becoming a Mason’s
“red star” and are all about becoming submissive to your Mason. This is all based in fantasy of course, and have no relation to actual Freemasonry.

How does divorce factor into all of this?

One of the things that the sensationalists want you to believe is that Masonry will ruin your marriage and steal your man. And probably your goats. Or something like that. It simply isn’t true. I have found that some women really struggle with their SO being a Mason. The best advice I can give to people in this situation is communicate with your partner, and get involved. You may feel that he is spending too much time at Masonic events and you would like him to be home more. Tell him that, or he won’t know. Often, the biggest fear is the fear of the unknown, if you get involved with Masonry, you may find that it squelches that fear.

If, for some reason, you and your Mason become divorced, this has no bearing on your memberships in organizations that you are currently a part of. However, you do lose your eligibility to join a new organization unless you have a different Masonic tie (father, uncle, etc). You may find strength within the organizations if this happens. This is one of the benefits of hanging out with women much older than yourself – many of them have been there.